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You have the same problem I have... no consul commands this is a bit tricky....
If you use Steam and are downloading from their workshop you need to: C:\SteamFile\steamapps\workshop\content\(Then you have to find the Fire and Ice Mod folder) once you do that you need to find the Menus text document. Open the document do a control F search for the word CHEAT.  It will bring you to this line of code: ]mno_tutorial_cheat  1 31 2 1 0 {!}CHEAT!  you need to change the 0 in this line of code to a 1 like this mno_tutorial_cheat  1 31 2 1 1  {!}CHEAT!.  You will need to start a new game, you will go through the character creation screens and you will reach the first quest.  You will be given a chance to proceed as normal and then there is the option to CHEAT! Select CHEAT!  At this point you can go to your camp menu>options>more options and you will see the additional cheat options at that point.
If you do not use steam just find the module area of your mount blade file and open up the Fire and Ice mod and do the same...

She appears only during feast at Winterfell.

It takes about 7 days+ for the invasion to begin.

From what I can tell, the banner is the item with the moral bonus attached so they should work for you.  I manually equip my companions with them to use as a lance, then order side arms for them to switch to swords after making it into the enemy archer line.

These are not player held units, especially the standard bearers, you have to recruit from what you capture or let your companions use the captured banners like the Lannister Red Cloak Knights do.  Trumpeters and such can join your party from random events as you travel around the map.

You can change culture by completely annihilating a whole cultural group (i.e. North, Reach, or Vale).  I forget which minister lets you change cultures, but one of them will have a change culture dialogue. You can also switch to the culture of your main minister if it is one of your companions.  In example, if you have Crastos you can switch to Free Folk.

You can recruit some from Lorath Bay or Qohor villages.  They will be called Eossi Peasants.